Friendly, enthusiastic, goofy, and colorful are all words people have used to describe me over the years.
Cool? The James Dean unflappable kind of cool? Definitely not a characteristic of mine.
But lately, I’ve been tempted by the lure of cool as I embrace my career as a professional artist. I’ve noticed its toxic energy in the studio with me–making me question my work. “Is that teal a serious enough color? What about that plant–is it too much? I have absolutely no white space!!”
I turned 31 on Friday in Brooklyn–arguably one of the “coolest” cities in America–so I definitely made sure to pack enough black and brought my hippest jacket. God forbid I stand out like a tourist!
What I didn’t expect to come away from this trip was embracing my very own uncoolness.
On my very first day in New York–which happened to be my birthday–I went to the Brooklyn Museum of Art to see the Frida Kahlo exhibit and the Botanical Gardens to see the magnolia trees in bloom. I learned from Frida how to unashamedly create beauty out of your pain and not care what those “god’s of the world” think of you.
Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself, to be light. – Frida Kahlo
I proceeded to abandon myself to the beauty of the magnolia blossoms, even asking a stranger to take a picture of me frolicking in the wind – ALONE!
I carried Frida’s words and magic of the magnolias into the evening by opting for my sparkly gold shoes–I packed them JUST in case–and embraced the dance party that inevitably followed with my lovely friends.
On my flight back from New York, I was stuck in the middle seat on a foggy day. Bummed I couldn’t get my coveted aerial shots, I instead sought out the silliest movies I could find: Mama Mia 2 and Under the Tuscan Sun.
Both their unashamed cheesiness and over the top enthusiasm were just what I needed to top off my trip. These movies were perfect reminders never to diminish my own goofiness and enthusiasm especially when it comes to making art or just simply being human.
Never lose your childish innocence. It is the most important thing. - Katherine from Under the Tuscan Sun
My insecurity that says “I’m not cool enough” to be accepted by the art world has been my inner critic’s loudest and most convincing talking point since college. (Cue Lawrence from School of Rock.)
Because according to the supposed gatekeepers of said art world, being enthusiastic is NOT cool. Liking cheesy movies in a nonironic way? No. Not cool. Painting beauty? Pass. Therefore I’m pretty much always on the verge of being insecure with my work. It’s not minimalist enough, not contemporary enough, not academic enough, not political enough, not edgy enough. Once I drill down my insecurities to being just simply “not cool enough,” I remind myself of a quote from Sol LeWitt’s letter to the late artist Eva Hess,
Don’t worry about cool, make your own uncool - Sol LeWitt
Ah. It is what I must always do, or else I abandon my soul and risk my losing my voice.
Seeking “cool” stifles our joy like nothing else and as artists, we can’t afford to be stifled by it. We have to approach the world and our work with a childlike wonder or else we end up producing work based out of fear, constantly judging our work in the eyes of the inner and outer critics, not enjoying the process and forgetting what got us to create in the first place–the need to create in its purest form.
So, today you can find this 31-year-old listening and singing along to ABBA and planning out my next body of work, free from the shackles of “cool” and embracing all the silliness of being a dancing queen.
Care to join me?