The Mother Seed

I became a mother in September 2020 — during the height of the pandemic and the worst wildfire season California has ever seen. In addition to giving birth in this unsettling time, I had moved to San Luis Obispo, was severely sleep-deprived, and my fluctuating hormones left me totally depleted by December....welcome to motherhood! :)

In the new year, I slowly crawled out of various bouts of postpartum depression and began painting in my studio during nap times and going on lots and lots of walks. I paid specific attention to what was blooming in my neighborhood and the local trails of my new home. Building an in-person community was not really an option, so I found comfort in the California native plants around me — plants that I have grown to love and know over the last few years. The various phases of growth for these particular plants throughout the winter and spring was a constant reminder that beauty and resilience often forms in darkness. 

Just like a seed has to get buried beneath the surface to grow and bloom, as a new mother I had to lose my my former way of life but I grew into a stronger and more vibrant person. But losing our life to find it is not isolated to motherhood. I believe it’s when we sacrifice any part of ourselves for the good and flourishing of another. Maybe that’s what we are experiencing post-pandemic — that life is starting to feel even more beautiful and colorful than it ever has been before due to the sacrifices we all made for the well-being of our neighbors.

These paintings were completed in the rare quiet moments of new motherhood which kept my brushwork expressive and gestural to capture the plant shapes and impressions — bringing one flower or branch into hyper-focus. By exploring colors that represent the wide range of emotions I experience every day as a new mom and the vibrant colors I see around me on our daily walks, I’m brought further into the physicality of painting and motherhood. My hope is paintings are a reminder to always pay attention to what’s blooming immediately around us — especially in times of hardship.